Perhaps something more meaningful?
Perhaps something better than what they’re doing now?
And this often leaves us wondering if what we’re currently doing…is wrong?
I have dealt with this feeling many times throughout my life, leading me to second-guess things like past relationships, jobs and important decisions in other areas of my life.
If you’ve been following my site, you’re well aware that I have been caring for my mother who had a severe stroke this past December. And because of this, I have not been able to work a normal 9-to-5 job, since I am mostly needed at home. So, I have been trying to start my own business to earn an income, but from home.
And so far, it’s been challenging, exhausting and, in the spirit of complete honesty, a continual let down.
Without getting into too many details, the graphic design business I started with two colleagues didn’t work out. So we closed shop. And I’m in the process of opening shop again, but this time, with just one of my former partners.
And because things have been such a challenge, I’ve been left to live off my savings.
So, I made a tough decision two weeks ago. I decided to place my mother into a nursing home.
Basically, I wanted my old life back. A life that was comfortable and far less challenging. A life that included more material things, less worry and a disposable income.
There was only one problem though. I was sacrificing what I truly believed, because of this underlying feeling that I should be living a different life.
When I had initially decided to care for my mother and not put her in a nursing home, I decided I was going to do it, not because it felt great, or because it would make me happy, but because it’s simply what was needed of me. It’s what God was calling me to do.
And, in spite of that, even though it didn’t feel right in my heart, I did end up putting my mother into a nursing home two weeks ago.
And a week later, I drove back to that same nursing home and I brought her back home…for good.
I realized during that week, that I had made the wrong decision, a decision that was based on feelings and emotions, a decision that was based on an easy way out.
And during the week she was in the nursing home, I thought I would experience a renewed sense of freedom, but in fact, I was never more miserable. Because I now realize that God had put me into the exact place, at the exact time that I needed to be.
And the answer wasn’t to run from that place.
The answer was to give my all to it.
Because through God’s help and wisdom, I now realize that this moment that God has given me – is enough.
Just as it is.
Without any need for improvement.
Without the need for nights out with friends.
Without the need for a safe, comfy job, with a great title.
Without the expectations of the world (and the people) around me.
If you ever wonder if where you are in your life is where you are supposed to be, ask yourself: who am I living for? For myself? For others? For God?
There is a great acronym out there that I heard in a sermon once: J.O.Y. If you want perfect Joy, then set your priorities in this order:
- Jesus first
- Others Next
Remember, the more virtuous response to life is not offering to others only what we feel we are able to give, but instead, giving what is needed of us.
I don’t know where my life will be in five years, one year, six months or even next week. But I know right now, it will be spent caring for my mother, who needs me right where I am, now.
Right where God wants me to be.
If you enjoyed reading this, please subscribe by email for future posts direct to your inbox.